Why?

Why...

Gig Bless Us, Every One...

Image courtesy of geralt at Pixabay.com

Once upon a time 

I traveled store to store.  Nowadays I one stop shop:  veggies aisle one, curtains aisle four.

When I lost my way I'd consult giant maps, which I never could fold, only wad in my lap.  

Now I can make calls or send texts, while I drive

Multitasking technology keeps me alive.

When I get where I'm going the car does its own parking.

It charges and self navigates each embarking.

If I get home late and it's past dinner time, I just send emoji and pizza is mine!

What's on tv I never need know, because magic devices record all my shows.  

For every desire there's most surely an app

All our wishes, whims, wants with simply a tap

Instant gratification is our new motto

With the time we're all saving, Oh the places we'll go!

I'd like to go camping but there's no wifi 

What good are pictures of a brilliant night sky

If I cannot tweet them or share them for likes?

No Snapchat of marshmallows?  Seems a bit trite.

Off I must go, I've no more time for typing.  While I'm writing this poem, I could be off Skyping.

Thank the batteries and chargers that make my life happen

And may gigs bless this grid we've so foolishly fastened.

A poem by Gen Clever

How Do I Get My Happy Back?

Image courtesy of PixArc at Pixabay.com

Stressful day at work?  Loved ones struggling at the moment?  Financial woes?  Another shooting on the news?  Life is grand.  Sometimes life is a grand piano falling out of a third story window… towards your car… that you are still in, digging for change to feed the expired parking meter.  So what do you do to get your happy back?  Try doing yoga, or taking a walk.  Wait, what?  Seriously?  Let’s face it, those things require a certain amount of motivation and/or special pants.  But here are 5 dirt cheap easy things that maybe, just maybe will help you get back up:

1) Hug your dog.  I mean get down on the floor and really hug your dog.  My dog loves this.  I can tell by his top speed tail wagging, and hissquinty-with-pleasure gooey eyes.  Ahhhhhh…

2) Watch the movie that you and your best friend obsessed over as kids.  This is probably the same movie that you and your best friend still obsess over.  Pop some corn, melt your cares, or at least some butter.

3) Play a retro video game.  Super Mario Brothers comes to my mind.  Play whatever you like and/or have access to.  Turn up the volume and remember, buttons are for mashing!

4) Go outside and look up.  If it’s dark, find pictures in the stars.  If it’s cloudy, find pictures in the clouds.  If it’s both dark and cloudy, try out an app that will show you the stars you would see if it wasn’t.

5) Get crafty.  Cut out paper snowflakes.  Slice up a magazine and make a collage.  Get glue and glitter all over the place, and go to bed without cleaning it up.  That’s right!


The point is to change the scenery in your mind.  Stop the film reel in your head from playing the same scene over and over again.  Stop watching what happened.  Stop watching previews of what could or might happen later.  Turn off your mental picture show.  Step away from technology and electronics (except for that cloudy and dark scenario from number 4).  Breathe.  Put your stress in coat check and pick it up later.  Are you ready?  I’m asking…

Image courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt 

Are there SHARKS in these waters?!

Image courtesy of skeeze at Pixabay.com

What is it about sharks that fascinates us so?  I myself am not a surfer.  I don't own a boat.  I live two hours inland for Pete's sake.  And yet every year, Shark Week will conquer my DVR like Genghis Khan. Those Xmas movies I never got around to watching last year are about to be replaced by 'The Great White Serial Killer'.  No really, that's one of the shows this year.  It was captivating!

People watch a lot of murderous programming.  We certainly don't mind viewing the darker side of humanity from the safety of our living rooms.  Besides, they always catch the bad guy so we're safe to roam about the city.  But let's talk about sharks.  The planet is 70% water and we have devoted an entire week to scaring ourselves out of it.  That's morbid.

Image courtesy of alondav at Pixabay.com

Can we also talk about the divers that don't use shark cages?!  They built that cage for a reason.  They call it a shark cage for a reason.  You refusing to use it demonstrates a lack of reason.  And that my friends is called entertainment value.  Will he or won't he get eaten?

Might as well just pin a medal on that dorsal fin because the sharks always win.  When a pedestrian almost gets hit by a car, that's called a near miss and everyone goes on their merry way.  When some dumb lucky human successfully fends off a shark, the shark still wins because it will come back, only a bit more pissy.  Does anyone have a bigger boat I can borrow?  I'm asking...



http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/shark-week/

Are you breaking any laws?

So you think you live in the land of the free?  How free are we really?  I'm not talking about marriage equality or gun control.  I'm talking about if a tree fell in the forest and you were there, have you committed a crime without even knowing it type stuff.   How many ridiculous, antiquated, or just plain unenforceable laws are still on the books?  I went Googling and here are 7 of my favorites.

Image courtesy of Teerapun at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Leave Bigfoot Alone!  Washington State 1991, Bill 92-247 The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by fine up to $100,000 and/or imprisonment up to 10 years.  Copy that.  I certainly will not harass any species that is as yet undiscovered.

Drivers yield to everybody always.  Oregon law from 1983, Traffic Law 811.025 Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk.  Failure to yield to a pedestrian on a sidewalk is a Class B traffic violation.  I can't even begin to understand how this works...

 Image courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt 

Don’t open your car door.  Okay now you can open it.  Okay hurry up and close it!  Also from the 1980s in Oregon, Traffic Law 811.490 says that a door on a car may not be left open longer than is necessary.  The law also specifies under what circumstances you can open a vehicle door.  Note:  if there are pedestrians on the sidewalk, the passenger side doors may NOT be opened.  Improper opening or leaving open a vehicle door is a Class D violation. Alrighty then.

No dice! (At least not fuzzy ones dangling from your rear view mirror.) Illinois (And possibly other states) Law 625 ILCS 5/12-503(c).2 prohibits a driver from operating a vehicle with any objects placed or suspended between the driver and the front windshield which materially obstructs the driver's view.  No pine scent, fuzzy dice, tiny disco balls, or Hawaiian leis for you good folks.

No humans roaming around off leash.  In Belvedere, CA (just north of San Francisco) there is a City Council order that states: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” Hehe

Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Common

No Silly String.  Southington, Connecticut banned Silly String in 1996.  Violators will be fined 99 serious dollars.

Sorry, idiots can’t vote.  My personal favorite, from New Mexico Article VII Elective Franchise clearly states that idiots may not vote.  “Every citizen of the United States, who is over the age of twenty-one years, and has resided in New Mexico twelve months, … except idiots, insane persons and persons convicted of a felonious or crime shall be qualified to vote at all elections for public officers.”  Can we just make that federal law?  Pretty please?

As Walter Sobchak said in The Big Lebowski, “There are rules.”  So while you’re safely enjoying some fireworks this Independence Day, appreciate those smaller freedoms you have as an American, because hey, your dog could be walking you!

Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons

Visit http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/oregon to see oh so much more! 
 Please note that some of these laws may have been replealed. 
 I do not encourage you to find out which ones, or maybe I do.

Jesus said WHAT?!

“If I have faith great enough to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. There are in the end three things that last: faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13: 2, 13

In light of the Supreme Court win regarding same sex marriage, those of us celebrating the decision are coupling our delight with preparation for the backlash.  There will be memes and rants and church signs with clever sayings about God being the only judge, not the Supreme Court.  So, what would Jesus do?

Image courtesy of Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I think Jesus would be against hate crimes.  I think Jesus would be opposed to protest signs with foul language on them.  I think Jesus would disagree with those who say homosexuals should be killed or locked away.  I don’t think Jesus would be happy that so many LGBT teens have taken their own lives because they suffered more undeserved hate and anger and confusion than they could endure. 

That’s what I think.  I don’t know for sure what Jesus would think or do because Jesus never said anything about homosexuality.  Of course, there are many things Jesus never spoke about… The Bible does appear to condemn certain sexual acts.  But here’s the kicker:  a person can be gay without being sexually active.  Sexual behavior is a choice, but sexual orientation is not.  Same sex love is not entirely about sex, just like heterosexual love is not entirely about sex.  Think about it.  If the Bible only addresses certain acts, then how are people drawing the conclusion that God is against loving same sex relationships and/or that God views homosexual people as bad? 

Of course the next ‘logical’ argument against homosexuality is that it’s an ‘abomination’ because it is ‘unnatural’ and goes against Gods plan.  See God created man and woman, meaning that Gods design is strictly heterosexual and anything that deviates from that plan is ungodly.  For me that's reading between the lines.  Besides, aren't Christians supposed to be Christ-like?  The goal is not to emulate Adam and Eve.  Adam and Eve are the original sinners!  Christ never married.  Christ was celibate.  That’s the general consensus anyway. “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1-2)  So, how do people reach the conclusion that being gay is against God simply because God created straight people first?!  Yes 'God made them male and female'.  That's how procreation works.  Nothing about this includes an exclusion of homosexuality.  

Image courtesy of Adrian van Leen at openphoto.net

Some would say that the Bible actually speaks positively towards same sex relationships.  Read the story of David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel, or Naomi and Ruth in where else? the book of Ruth.  "Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the LORD do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me." (Ruth 1:17)  The story may be about friendship, or the women may have been in love.  We can’t know for sure based on the text but the women were certainly not condemned for their closeness, or looked down on for journeying together for a time without husbands or sons.

 

The point is that the Bible says very little about sexuality. A few extremists have taken what little it does say, drawn some pretty big conclusions, and used those conclusions to hate, discriminate, retranslate, and lead others through that gate.  Jesus never approved that message.  My hope today is that believers will pick up their Bibles and read them for themselves.  Anyone who believes that God feels that LGBT people are lesser human beings, or should be treated as such, is either misinformed or mislead.  Jesus taught love, acceptance, forgiveness, and closeness to God.

"Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." 1 John 4:20

Just for fun, here's the debunking of those pesky 'Clobber Passage's haters use to convince folks that the Bible says gays are abominable:

* Genesis 1: 27 (OLD Testament) Yes God created them male and female.  Nothing here implies anything about the sexual orientation of future peoples.

* Genesis 19:(OT)  Sodom and Gomorrah is about hospitality, pride and rape, not homosexuality.  Ezekiel 16:49 will clear up any confusion.

* Leviticus (OT) is part of Mosaic Law which does not apply to Christians or Gentiles in general.

* Mark 10:6 is Jesus speaking against divorce, not sexuality.  Read the chapter, not just a verse or two.

* Romans 1: 26-27 is about idol worship and people turning their backs on God, not about people who are naturally oriented towards the same gender. Read the ENTIRE chapter.

* 1 Corinthians 6: 9-11 has been retranslated over and over to become more and more homophobic.  Original translations use the word malakos, meaning "effeminate" or "soft," which refers to someone who lacks discipline or moral control. The word is used elsewhere in the New Testament and never with reference to sexuality.

* 1 Corinthians 6: 17-20 is Paul speaking against prostitution.  Read the verse in its full context, meaning read the whole chapter.

* 1 Timothy 1:8-11 has also been retranslated to include homosexuality in the list of offenses.  Original translations use the word arsenokoitai, referring to exploitive, unwanted, forcible sex between men.  It is the lewd that is detestable here.  Other mentions are slave traders, liars, and kidnappers.  

Thanks for taking the time to read the fine print.  Don't take my word for any of it.  Do your own homework and lots of it.  Peace & Love

Can I Not be the Grown-up in the Room?

Do you ever wish some pseudo more grown-up version of yourself would show up in a responsible looking ensemble to be whatever kind of adult the situation needs?  I don't clearly remember but I imagine that when I was a kid I had the typical drive to grow up, make the rules, and run the show.  It looked like so much fun... driving, paying for stuff, staying up late, reaching the top shelf.  Gee, that looked swell.

So here I am now in all my full grown-ness drowning in the tiny minutia of chores that end up on a 'To Do' list that never seems too done.  I have so much to do, the only way I can keep track of it all is to write it down, like I have to trick myself into doing what I gotta do. Sheesh.

Image courtesy of jesadaphorn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Friday afternoon I receive a call from the dentist's office.  My insurance company is dragging their feet paying for a root canal I had five months ago.  Add that delightful phone call to my list.  Next up: yard work!  I do enjoy most yard work and I think of how lovely it will be to have the work behind me so the fam can enjoy the yard this weekend.  Thirty minutes into my pleasure, the weedwacker quits working.  Ah well... I continue on with hedge clippers.  Not as fast, but my fence line looks pristine!  Hey, what's that pile of dirt under the tree over there?  Apparently, the mole colony I've been exorcising has returned. Okay, okay, they are a part of nature and a part of living in the wilds of Oregon.  I go to my deck box to get the repellent that doesn't really work but I can't kill the creatures no matter how ugly they are.  Oh my god!  There's a snake in there.  Really?!  What next?!  I need backup.

Image courtesy of geralt at pixabay.com

I go for help only to discover that I'm locked out of the house.  This is a true story kids.  I go to retrieve the hidden key from I can't tell you where, and the neighbors cat darts out from under the house.  Critters around the house are one thing.  Critters under it are quite another horror story.  It is at this point that I give up.  I throw in the proverbial towel and head indoors.  

Once safely inside I refer to my list.  I decide to assemble the new table I got from IKEA last week.  I realize at this point I'm tempting the fates.  Surprise! (or not) One of the legs has a manufacturing defect.  I may be getting screwed today, but this table leg sure isn't.  I spend the next two hours pondering a couple things.  Is it worth the risk of a highway ride to the Returns/Parts department? Also, are the fish tacos I want for dinner from the Pacific ocean and potentially toxic from the tsunami fallout?

Adulthood is fun but does not look like the brochure at all.  After all that I decided to scope Craigslist for a DeLorean or an old phone booth.  Anyone else on board?  I'm asking...