Is America a Hypocrisy?

Image Courtesy of Pixabay.com

I feel like I’m missing something.  Something BIG.  Where was I on the day that everyone got the bucket loads of whatever I didn’t.  Was it that day I went to the DMV?  Did I miss an emergency broadcast that was an actual emergency, followed by very important instructions that I never got?  This is the only explanation I can come up with.  I’ve Googled my brains out and I either missed something, or half the country is now legally insane.  Seriously.

Most conservatives identify as Christians.  Christians are supposed to help the needy.  But giving people affordable healthcare is bad?  It is bad because it comes from the government and the government should be small.  The government shouldn’t be a giant babysitter that takes care of us and tells us what to do.  We should take care of ourselves.  Screw your neighbor.  Why should you help them?  If you help them, it will only make you weaker.  They should help themselves, dammit.  If they can’t make it on their own, they must be doing something wrong!  United we stand?  I am totally confident that Jesus would agree with the conservatives.  Or am I missing something?

People believe that legislation based on religious beliefs is justifiable, even though the First Amendment expressly forbids it.  The same people flip out about their Second Amendment right to bear arms.  People simultaneously cling to AND ignore the Constitution.  Is THAT what makes America so great?

People believe that homosexuals are to blame for the decline in American family values.  I suppose all the heterosexually explicit content on television, pornography, exotic dancers, strip clubs, prostitutes and marital cheating websites are all a part of the dastardly homosexual agenda.  The gays are clearly responsible for all of the straight people fornicating everywhere they shouldn’t be…

 

While we are on the subject, if under ANY circumstances I end up pregnant, it should be decided by an elected official (who I may or may not have voted for) and is not my family member, medical provider, or church affiliate, whether I should carry this child to term?  I must have blacked out and forgotten that women are nothing more than baby ovens.  It’s okay though, because I know the generous men in charge will be happy to assist me with diapers and groceries because I can’t afford groceries, diapers, transportation and daycare on my current salary, which definitely should NOT be higher than it is.  If I get paid more to do my job, the terrorists win.

Of course there are grants and scholarships available to me, and if I wasn’t such a lazy freeloader I could go back to school, finish my degree and get a better job that pays more money so that I can afford to feed and raise my child without mooching off the government.  People do it all the time right?!  Great. Who is going to watch my baby after I’ve worked a full shift so I can study?  Who is going to watch my baby while I go to classes at night and on the weekends?  Hopefully whoever it is will take lots of pictures because I won’t have time to be there since my education is far more important than my daughter or son’s childhood.  But wait, isn’t that putting the mother’s needs before the child’s?  So why did I have this baby?  No, no, no I am working for my child’s future, not mine!  My life no longer matters.  I am nothing but a baby factory.  If only marriages were still arranged so I could stay home with my kid while my husband goes out to earn a living much much more monetarily sound than I EVER could! 

On to a different subject.  Legalizing marijuana is going to ruin everything!  I mean just look at the influx of money into Colorado, Washington, and Oregon.  That cannot be good.  Money can fix problems.  Money can pay for education. People will be driving recklessly with their children in the car to 7-Eleven to buy Cheetos and Beef Jerky!!!  If we don't come up with a solution, this will surely cost us jobs.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh we are in so much DANGER!!!!!!!

The 2016 Presidential election.  That’s it.  I am definitely missing something on this one.

I realize it is bold of me to admit that I’m confused by a lot of what’s going on.  Maybe the liberal media is mind controlling me.  Maybe if Sunday School was graded, I would have failed.  Maybe when I was a 19-year-old kid I could have made better decisions and stayed in school and finished my degree and I would be a part of the 1% now and wouldn’t have to be concerned about petty problems like mass shootings and GMOs. 

Has something gone terribly wrong?  Was America dropped on it's head as a baby, or is it just me?  I’m asking…

Why Can't I Buy What I Want?

Sorry guys, this one's for the ladies...  I have fashion problems.  These problems aren't that I can't dress myself in a fashionable way or that I'm stylistically impaired.  I do know how to make me feel brand new.  The problem lies with the makers of women's panties and tennis shoes.

Like any reasonable lady getting dressed, I'll start with the panties.  Why oh why can't I buy a package of solid black underwear?! I can buy a package of solid white underwear.  I can buy a package with one black pair in it, but inevitably that one lonely pair of black undies will share the package with at least one god-awful looking pair that has some juvenile pattern like polka dots or stars that I won't even wear on laundry day because no they're not 'fun to wear'. Seriously, why am I forced to buy my underwear individually simply because I prefer solid dark colors over silly designs or white granny panties?  I object!  I loudly, emphatically, enthusiastically object!  Who's with me?

"No trunks please" by Gerbil - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 
via Wikimedia Commons 
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:No_trunks_please.JPG#/media/
File:No_trunks_please.JPG

While we're on the subject of what really chaps my hide (pun intended), what's up with women's sneakers?  Why are they always covered in (or at least accented with) pink or purple or teal or coral?  Why is coral even allowed to be a color? Blech!  It's as if athletic shoe designers feel the need to emphasize the delicate gender of tennis shoes; as if women will go without gym shoes entirely if they aren't feminine enough.  Gross.  Have they forgotten our beloved Keds or our simple Reeboks of days gone by?  Did we not buy enough of them?  Have we not revived them at least once or twice? Now when I go sneaker shopping, it feels like a clown school costuming session.

Image Courtesy of Gratisography/Ryan McGuire

Dear shoemakers, I don't feel the need to draw attention to my running shoes.  I don't need flattering compliments on my kicks.  Nor do I want my feet to look like I ran through a puddle of toxic radiation.  I simply want solid colored tennis shoes dammit - and not Velcro strapped nursing shoes either.  And NO I don't want to buy them online.  I want to walk out of the shoe store with them under my arm while wearing my solid black comfy underwear that I buy in bulk.  Is that too much to ask?!  I'm asking anyway...

Are You the Boss of Me?

I hope I’m my own boss.  The boss is (usually) the person in charge.  Nevertheless, I’m completely unclear as to whether ‘boss’ is a good or bad thing.  Bossy people, according to the inter-webs, are fond of giving orders, domineering, overly authoritative, and even dictatorial.  Yikes!  I don’t want to be that boss.

Image courtesy of scottchan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

‘BOSS’ is also a slang term historically used in America, as well as currently used in parts of England (Liverpool) meaning awesome, cool, neat-o, or anything even remotely good.  Now that’s a ‘boss’ I can get behind!

The word 'boss' comes from the Dutch baas which means “master”.  Ergo the phrase “okay boss” loosely translates to “yes master”, which might be okay if you look cute in a genie costume.  Maybe.  I am however, neither a genie nor an astronaut.  I don’t want that boss.

Bosses are also most certainly bad in video games.  They are what stands between you the gamer and your next level of game play.  On the other hand, if you defeat an in-game boss, or perform any random real-life act reasonably well-ish, then you just may be living your life entirely ‘like a boss’. Check your local Meme or sketch comedy show to find out.

Perhaps I should ‘Act like a Lady and Think like a Boss’, but this begs the question: Who’s the Boss I should act like?

Can I really be my own BOSS boss, or is someone else in fact the bossy boss of me?  I’m asking….