Is America a Hypocrisy?

Image Courtesy of Pixabay.com

I feel like I’m missing something.  Something BIG.  Where was I on the day that everyone got the bucket loads of whatever I didn’t.  Was it that day I went to the DMV?  Did I miss an emergency broadcast that was an actual emergency, followed by very important instructions that I never got?  This is the only explanation I can come up with.  I’ve Googled my brains out and I either missed something, or half the country is now legally insane.  Seriously.

Most conservatives identify as Christians.  Christians are supposed to help the needy.  But giving people affordable healthcare is bad?  It is bad because it comes from the government and the government should be small.  The government shouldn’t be a giant babysitter that takes care of us and tells us what to do.  We should take care of ourselves.  Screw your neighbor.  Why should you help them?  If you help them, it will only make you weaker.  They should help themselves, dammit.  If they can’t make it on their own, they must be doing something wrong!  United we stand?  I am totally confident that Jesus would agree with the conservatives.  Or am I missing something?

People believe that legislation based on religious beliefs is justifiable, even though the First Amendment expressly forbids it.  The same people flip out about their Second Amendment right to bear arms.  People simultaneously cling to AND ignore the Constitution.  Is THAT what makes America so great?

People believe that homosexuals are to blame for the decline in American family values.  I suppose all the heterosexually explicit content on television, pornography, exotic dancers, strip clubs, prostitutes and marital cheating websites are all a part of the dastardly homosexual agenda.  The gays are clearly responsible for all of the straight people fornicating everywhere they shouldn’t be…

 

While we are on the subject, if under ANY circumstances I end up pregnant, it should be decided by an elected official (who I may or may not have voted for) and is not my family member, medical provider, or church affiliate, whether I should carry this child to term?  I must have blacked out and forgotten that women are nothing more than baby ovens.  It’s okay though, because I know the generous men in charge will be happy to assist me with diapers and groceries because I can’t afford groceries, diapers, transportation and daycare on my current salary, which definitely should NOT be higher than it is.  If I get paid more to do my job, the terrorists win.

Of course there are grants and scholarships available to me, and if I wasn’t such a lazy freeloader I could go back to school, finish my degree and get a better job that pays more money so that I can afford to feed and raise my child without mooching off the government.  People do it all the time right?!  Great. Who is going to watch my baby after I’ve worked a full shift so I can study?  Who is going to watch my baby while I go to classes at night and on the weekends?  Hopefully whoever it is will take lots of pictures because I won’t have time to be there since my education is far more important than my daughter or son’s childhood.  But wait, isn’t that putting the mother’s needs before the child’s?  So why did I have this baby?  No, no, no I am working for my child’s future, not mine!  My life no longer matters.  I am nothing but a baby factory.  If only marriages were still arranged so I could stay home with my kid while my husband goes out to earn a living much much more monetarily sound than I EVER could! 

On to a different subject.  Legalizing marijuana is going to ruin everything!  I mean just look at the influx of money into Colorado, Washington, and Oregon.  That cannot be good.  Money can fix problems.  Money can pay for education. People will be driving recklessly with their children in the car to 7-Eleven to buy Cheetos and Beef Jerky!!!  If we don't come up with a solution, this will surely cost us jobs.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh we are in so much DANGER!!!!!!!

The 2016 Presidential election.  That’s it.  I am definitely missing something on this one.

I realize it is bold of me to admit that I’m confused by a lot of what’s going on.  Maybe the liberal media is mind controlling me.  Maybe if Sunday School was graded, I would have failed.  Maybe when I was a 19-year-old kid I could have made better decisions and stayed in school and finished my degree and I would be a part of the 1% now and wouldn’t have to be concerned about petty problems like mass shootings and GMOs. 

Has something gone terribly wrong?  Was America dropped on it's head as a baby, or is it just me?  I’m asking…

Gig Bless Us, Every One...

Image courtesy of geralt at Pixabay.com

Once upon a time 

I traveled store to store.  Nowadays I one stop shop:  veggies aisle one, curtains aisle four.

When I lost my way I'd consult giant maps, which I never could fold, only wad in my lap.  

Now I can make calls or send texts, while I drive

Multitasking technology keeps me alive.

When I get where I'm going the car does its own parking.

It charges and self navigates each embarking.

If I get home late and it's past dinner time, I just send emoji and pizza is mine!

What's on tv I never need know, because magic devices record all my shows.  

For every desire there's most surely an app

All our wishes, whims, wants with simply a tap

Instant gratification is our new motto

With the time we're all saving, Oh the places we'll go!

I'd like to go camping but there's no wifi 

What good are pictures of a brilliant night sky

If I cannot tweet them or share them for likes?

No Snapchat of marshmallows?  Seems a bit trite.

Off I must go, I've no more time for typing.  While I'm writing this poem, I could be off Skyping.

Thank the batteries and chargers that make my life happen

And may gigs bless this grid we've so foolishly fastened.

A poem by Gen Clever

Are you breaking any laws?

So you think you live in the land of the free?  How free are we really?  I'm not talking about marriage equality or gun control.  I'm talking about if a tree fell in the forest and you were there, have you committed a crime without even knowing it type stuff.   How many ridiculous, antiquated, or just plain unenforceable laws are still on the books?  I went Googling and here are 7 of my favorites.

Image courtesy of Teerapun at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Leave Bigfoot Alone!  Washington State 1991, Bill 92-247 The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by fine up to $100,000 and/or imprisonment up to 10 years.  Copy that.  I certainly will not harass any species that is as yet undiscovered.

Drivers yield to everybody always.  Oregon law from 1983, Traffic Law 811.025 Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk.  Failure to yield to a pedestrian on a sidewalk is a Class B traffic violation.  I can't even begin to understand how this works...

 Image courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt 

Don’t open your car door.  Okay now you can open it.  Okay hurry up and close it!  Also from the 1980s in Oregon, Traffic Law 811.490 says that a door on a car may not be left open longer than is necessary.  The law also specifies under what circumstances you can open a vehicle door.  Note:  if there are pedestrians on the sidewalk, the passenger side doors may NOT be opened.  Improper opening or leaving open a vehicle door is a Class D violation. Alrighty then.

No dice! (At least not fuzzy ones dangling from your rear view mirror.) Illinois (And possibly other states) Law 625 ILCS 5/12-503(c).2 prohibits a driver from operating a vehicle with any objects placed or suspended between the driver and the front windshield which materially obstructs the driver's view.  No pine scent, fuzzy dice, tiny disco balls, or Hawaiian leis for you good folks.

No humans roaming around off leash.  In Belvedere, CA (just north of San Francisco) there is a City Council order that states: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” Hehe

Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Common

No Silly String.  Southington, Connecticut banned Silly String in 1996.  Violators will be fined 99 serious dollars.

Sorry, idiots can’t vote.  My personal favorite, from New Mexico Article VII Elective Franchise clearly states that idiots may not vote.  “Every citizen of the United States, who is over the age of twenty-one years, and has resided in New Mexico twelve months, … except idiots, insane persons and persons convicted of a felonious or crime shall be qualified to vote at all elections for public officers.”  Can we just make that federal law?  Pretty please?

As Walter Sobchak said in The Big Lebowski, “There are rules.”  So while you’re safely enjoying some fireworks this Independence Day, appreciate those smaller freedoms you have as an American, because hey, your dog could be walking you!

Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons

Visit http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/oregon to see oh so much more! 
 Please note that some of these laws may have been replealed. 
 I do not encourage you to find out which ones, or maybe I do.

Why Can't I Buy What I Want?

Sorry guys, this one's for the ladies...  I have fashion problems.  These problems aren't that I can't dress myself in a fashionable way or that I'm stylistically impaired.  I do know how to make me feel brand new.  The problem lies with the makers of women's panties and tennis shoes.

Like any reasonable lady getting dressed, I'll start with the panties.  Why oh why can't I buy a package of solid black underwear?! I can buy a package of solid white underwear.  I can buy a package with one black pair in it, but inevitably that one lonely pair of black undies will share the package with at least one god-awful looking pair that has some juvenile pattern like polka dots or stars that I won't even wear on laundry day because no they're not 'fun to wear'. Seriously, why am I forced to buy my underwear individually simply because I prefer solid dark colors over silly designs or white granny panties?  I object!  I loudly, emphatically, enthusiastically object!  Who's with me?

"No trunks please" by Gerbil - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 
via Wikimedia Commons 
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:No_trunks_please.JPG#/media/
File:No_trunks_please.JPG

While we're on the subject of what really chaps my hide (pun intended), what's up with women's sneakers?  Why are they always covered in (or at least accented with) pink or purple or teal or coral?  Why is coral even allowed to be a color? Blech!  It's as if athletic shoe designers feel the need to emphasize the delicate gender of tennis shoes; as if women will go without gym shoes entirely if they aren't feminine enough.  Gross.  Have they forgotten our beloved Keds or our simple Reeboks of days gone by?  Did we not buy enough of them?  Have we not revived them at least once or twice? Now when I go sneaker shopping, it feels like a clown school costuming session.

Image Courtesy of Gratisography/Ryan McGuire

Dear shoemakers, I don't feel the need to draw attention to my running shoes.  I don't need flattering compliments on my kicks.  Nor do I want my feet to look like I ran through a puddle of toxic radiation.  I simply want solid colored tennis shoes dammit - and not Velcro strapped nursing shoes either.  And NO I don't want to buy them online.  I want to walk out of the shoe store with them under my arm while wearing my solid black comfy underwear that I buy in bulk.  Is that too much to ask?!  I'm asking anyway...

Are We Alone?

People like to talk definitively.  Wikipedia has empowered us.  We earthlings can speak on practically any subject and even spew valid facts after just a spot of research.  Library?  Pshaw!  Where am I going with this you ask?  If you read the title, you may have guessed that I’m going to tell you that aliens exist.   Your guess would be semi-accurate.  I’m going to tell you that aliens could exist, and we couldn’t know for certain if they didn’t. 

Image courtesy of Victor Habbick at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When we look up into the night sky, we are only seeing 0.000003% of our own galaxy.  Our galaxy (the Milky Way for those of you just joining us) is one of an estimated 500 billion galaxies in the universe.  Add to that the human eye sees less than 1% of the visible spectrum of light.  Visible light is only 2.3% of the whole electromagnetic spectrum, or 0.0035% on a linear scale.  That’s fancy science talk for ‘humans can’t see very much of what can be seen’.  See?

The technologies we’ve discovered and developed to help us see what's invisible to the naked eye are relatively new in the grand scheme of it all.  The median age of terrestrial planets in our galaxy is about one billion years older than the age of the Earth.  Earthlings are infantile compared to what’s out there.  How could we recognize aliens if we don’t understand their technology?  You don't expect me to get the jokes in a foreign film without subtitles do you?

Image courtesy of Comfreak at Pixabay.com

Thirdly, how do we know aliens want to be seen?  Perhaps Kathleen Madigan was accurate when she joked about Earth being 'the Alabama of the universe'.  Maybe they don’t want to be contacted by us. I mean, look at us!  If aliens are more advanced, wouldn’t it be pretty easy for them to ‘hide’ from us?  We on earth hide all the time.  We have camouflage, stealth technology, cloaking devices, whatever Predator does in those movies...

Finally, Dr. Frank Drake, the founder of SETI (Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence), says that digital technology is ‘hiding’ us from aliens.  We were once surrounded by a huge shell of radiation from analog TV, radio, and radar transmissions.  These signals are vanishing in the wake of digital technology.  We are turning ourselves into white noise in space.  If we ever did knock on an alien’s door, we are now hiding behind the bushes in their front yard.  We are silly stupid juveniles who don't even know what 90% of the universe is made up of. We just named it 'Dark Matter' and moved on.  So, are we alone?  I'm asking...

http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/2007-08/1188407794.Ph.r.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2523058/Camouflage-suits-make-wearers-impossible-see.html

http://www.dailygalaxy.com/my_weblog/2010/02/invisible-extraterrestrials-one-of-worlds-leading-physicist-says-they-could-exist-in-forms-we-cant-c.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/7077464/Earth-becoming-invisible-to-aliens.html

Is Orange the Underdog of Colors?

The answer is an astounding YES!  Unless you frequent The Home Depot, there is a serious lack of orange in your life. I have no theory as to why,  but I do have sufficient evidence to support this tragic fact.  The world is a cruel place dominated by primary colors and seconded by all those shades of gray. Orange has suffered a cruel and undignified fate.  

Automatic dumper at the co-op orange packing plant, Redlands, Calif. Santa Fe trip (LOC) Delano, Jack,, photographer

What about Orange Is the New Black you ask? Hasn't this been a fashion win for orange?  In case you are one of the 19 people that hasn't streamed this little gem, let me fill you in.  The general population of inmates actually wear khaki. Yes, khaki.  Orange is designated for the newbies, the fresh meat, the outcasts of the prison population.  To add further insult, a county jail in Michigan has changed its jumpsuits from orange back to the old black-and-white jailbird stripes. Apparently there is something worse for women to wear than horizontal stripes. Sadly, that something is orange.  

There is a well-known web series starring an orange character.  That sounds good at the outset, but trust me he's no peach.  While humorous to viewers, *spoiler alert* The [appropriately named] Annoying Orange generally annoys the other fruits and veggies hanging around.  Nobody has a Crush on this guy.

How did blue ever get its gloomy reputation with a color like orange around?

Image courtesy of imageafter.com light fx

Pac-Man features an orange ghost named Clyde.  Clyde is the black, or shall we say orange sheep of the Pac-Man world.  The rest of the Ghost Gang, Pinky, Blinky, and Inky have more consistent patterns and give more chase to Pac-Man than Clyde.  In the classic Pac-Man world, Clyde is goofy and dim-witted. He lacks the villainous nature of the other ghosts.  In Ms. Pac-Man, Clyde is re-gendered and renamed Sue.  Clyde, the Orange ghost, becomes the boy named Sue... Heartbreaking.

I do appreciate that Sesame Street gave Bert an orange best friend named Ernie.  I also recognize that there are several orange "Pony"s to teach us the magic of friendship. However, the orange Power Ranger remains a wannabe's sweet reverie and the painful truth is that Scooter from The Muppets is a behind the scenes guy who'll never experience the celebrity of Gonzo or the recognition of Kermit. 

Meanwhile, these neat statistics show that orange has the lowest percentage of colour use in triband flags, coming in at a wimpy 3.23%.  Only three colors score lower than orange for flag desirability.  The three unfortunate colors are brown, gray, and surprisingly, purple. Purple must be feeling pretty bad about itself right now.  The percentage of country flags containing orange is somewhere between 0.2% and 0.6% according to Time.com.  Orange never gets to have any Fun with Flags. Further proof lies in the fact that professional sports teams sport orange quite sparingly.  See for yourself!

What may be the final nail in this citrusy coffin is Marvel's answer to DC Comic's lone orange superhero.  What's more underdog than a seahorse riding Atlantean who talks to dolphins?  Why Captain Citrus of course! Clearly what The Avengers need is a member with ties to the Florida citrus industry who draws power from the sun and defeats evil by making smart nutritional choices.  Have you ever wondered what would happen if an actual orange became a superhero? Well now you can stop wondering and have your life back. Seriously, take it back.

The comic book universe is severely lacking in significant superheroes that don a costume of orange.  There are some villains quite fond of it but without delving into superhero colour theory, this fact only aids my case.  I am a dedicated advocate for the underdog and my hope is that orange will one day rise to the top. Imagine a world where Dorothy could proudly follow the ORANGE brick road. Perhaps that kind of thinking is too far forward. Perhaps you think Orange Julius has had its fair shake. Perhaps you are one who can appreciate both red and yellow, but finds no satisfaction in their coalescence.  Why must orange suffer so? Won't you please give orange a chance?  I'm asking...

I own no rights to the color orange or any of the people, companies, persons, or franchises mentioned, their merchandise, or anyone or thing that has to do with it/them.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me) and are captioned with appropriate credit and used with permission.  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Eggstreme Jelly Beans!

It is practically tradition that I share a string of random images for Easter, because I'm not sure what else to do after the eggs are found and the chocolate is eaten.  So here ya go!

The Classic

The Update

Best use of Bunny Costume EVER!

The Uneggspected...  or is it?

Peep Hilarity

Nerdy Easter Eggs (They aren't edible)

Roger and Jessica Rabbit

Vincent Price as Egghead on 1966 Batman TV Show

A Public Service Announcement about Grocery Shopping

Have you ever heard anyone say "Yay!  I get to go grocery shopping today!"?  Of course you haven't.  The supermarket can be a traumatic place for anyone, adults and hungry children who missed their naps alike.  As a public service, I have compiled a list of DOs and DON'Ts to help you on your next visit to the grocery store.

"Reihe Einkaufswagen" by 4028mdk09 - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Reihe_Einkaufswagen.JPG#/media/File:Reihe_Einkaufswagen.JPG

DO:  Take reusable shopping bags.  It's the green thing to do and you can avoid those pesky bag fees.  Some stores will even give you credit to boot!  

DON'T:  Ask for paper inside of plastic.  That is nonsense. Who does that?? Instead do DO number 1.

DO:  Keep your cart to one side of the aisle.  It's okay to go around, but be sure to merge back into the proper lane after passing.  Treat the aisle as if it were a roadway, in the U.S., not in England.

DON'T:  Let your kids push the cart.  They can't drive or make decisions and they will end up violating the second DO repeatedly.

DO:  Make decisions quickly.  Let's be real.  Most of the time the store has the same selection that it had the last time you were there.  If you want to try something new, then by all means try something new but don't take an inordinate amount of time making your decision.  People are waiting.  Carts are backing up.  We can only pretend to look at something else for so long...

DON'T:  Have phone conversations loudly enough for people two aisles over to hear you.  You are not impressing anyone with your "I'm so busy I can only call my stockbroker while I'm grocery shopping" routine.  If I wanted to hear conversation while I was shopping I would have brought someone with me.  There is a radio playing softly somewhere.  Let's all be quiet enough to enjoy it.

DO:  Bring a list.  It's okay to wing it when you know you need everything anyway.  But if you have specific items in mind, jot them down or create a list in your smartphone.  You'll save yourself the aggravation of circling around trying to decipher those cryptic aisle directory signs. 

DON'T:  Eat all the samples.  It's called a sample, not free lunch you inconsiderate selfish bastard.

DO:  Be courteous to the cashier.  If you can't be the bright spot in someones day, be the spot they forgot.  The cashier is generally not responsible for coupon fails, under staffing, or the cost of what you purchased.

DON'T:  Leave your cart, wagon, basket, or buggy in a parking space.  Those things have wheels and can become a rolling agent of destruction.  Plus, it's just plain rude.


Remember that grocery shopping is the modern day version of hunting and gathering. People are wild animals, especially when given any device on wheels.  Follow these tips and share them with a friend.  Together, we can make adulthood tolerable!

The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me) and are captioned with appropriate credit and used with permission.  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Why Shouldn't You Move to Portland, OR?

      Are you considering a move to the Pacific Northwest?  Does Portland, Oregon look appealing to you with its tender embrace of all things vintage and its quirky but lovable city motto of 'Keep Portland Weird'?  Have you watched every episode of Portlandia and envisioned yourself as an extra (and liked it)?  

      Well if so, get ready to have your bubble burst!  There are too many people here.  Sorry. We locals have decided that fewer people would be beneficial.  We are having difficulty marketing this concept, so I have decided to cut to the chase and provide 5 cold hard facts one must consider before purchasing a Subaru and setting out on the Oregon Trail.

        1)  There are no plastic bags here.  Portland was one of the first cities to jump on the plastic bag ban.  Many cities have followed suit and/or implemented a bag fee as a plastic bag deterrent.  I just want you to know that you will be carrying brown paper bags in the rain, with no umbrella, because you can’t carry two paper bags AND an umbrella.  Furthermore, people in Portland don’t use umbrellas.  I'll save that tidbit for another list on another day.

        2)  You cannot ‘go to the beach’.  Let me clarify.  Yes, there are beaches and they are named as such but you will not go to them.  In Oregon you go to the coast.  The difference is that beaches are warm, sandy, sunny places where you'll likely sunbathe and go swimming and perhaps suffer a sunburn.  The coast is more often than not a cold, windy, rocky place where you may do beach-like things but you'll be wearing pants and a hoody.  You won’t go for a swim because hypothermia is no substitute for a sunburn.  We have sneaker waves too.  Google that if you forevermore want to view the ocean as your own personal death trap…

      3)   Portland is surrounded by volcanoes!  While Mt. Tabor (within the city limits) is classified as dormant, Mt. Hood dominates the skyline and is technically active.  I know, I know, it’s been almost 200 years since its last activity, but that’s all the more cause for alarm.  An eruption may not be the Michael Bay pyrotechnics we expect from an active volcano, but Portland could be covered in dust and ash.  Yikes! and Yuck.  Additionally, Mount St. Helens is a mere 65 miles away.

      4)  Casual Friday is every day.  All seven.  It’s casual at dinner.  It’s casual at the doctor’s office.  It’s casual in court.  It’s so casual here we wear jeans to the opera.  Seriously.  Blue ones.  If you like your lunch server or dentist to be well-kempt then you may want to reconsider your options.  Also, dreadlocks abound.  Just sayin’.

       5)  Portland has more parades than any city I know.  I would be curious to research how many parades the average city has in a year.  Whatever that average is, I’m sure it’s pretty close to the square root of the number that Portland has.  The Portland Rose Festival itself has three parades of its own in one week!  Those do not include the Macy’s Holiday Parade, Pride NW Parade, Christmas Ship Parade, Independence Day Parade, Division/Clinton Street Fair Parade, St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Mardi Gras Parade, and the Brewers Brunch & Parade.  The fact that there has been more than one parade sketch on Portlandia should tell you something.  Hint: it’s not something good.  I’m sure there are more parades, bike rides, runs, and marathons going on than you’ll ever know until the day you find yourself on a standing room only MAX train with a walking sample of PDX carpet.  Is this the kind of typical day you want in your life?  I'm asking...

I own no rights to Portland or the Oregon Trail, the city or the game, the franchise, it's merchandise, or anyone or thing that has to do with it.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me).  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Where Are the Robots?

Image courtesy of blickpixel at pixabay.com

Let us enter the world of the anthropophobic.  Anthropophobia is the pathological fear of people or human company. We have all suffered moments of this and I will from this point on lovingly refer to the condition as people-phobic and its sufferers as people-phobes.  Again, I do this lovingly and without judgment.  I simply fear that if I continue to write anthropophobic, this blog will be a drag to read and my point will be lost.  Not to mention I cannot type the word very quickly and my spell-check doesn’t even recognize the silly word.  Silly ‘Word’.

Where was I?  Oh yes, people-phobes.  People-phobes cheered at the advent of the Self-Checkout, the pizza ordering app, the sign-waving-mannequin, movie and television streaming, and sweet sweet online shopping… for the most part.  I say ‘for the most part’ because there remains a downside to all this bliss.  The beloved people-phobes’ pizza and smiley packages are still delivered by dreaded humans.  

More frightening still is the latte dilemma.  Not the ‘oh geez this costs what?!’ dilemma, but the having to activate my legs, bike, and/or car to navigate to the coffee shop, shack, or cart because I lack the skills or equipment to make a latte in the comfort and safety of my own home dilemma.  Forgive me.  Sometimes I over-identify…

In 1964 Isaac Asimov wrote an essay for The New York Times about what the world may be like in 2014 with all of the shiny new technology that would be accessible to the masses.  “Mankind will have become largely a race of machine tenders” he said.  In the actual year 2014, Oxford researchers agreed with Asimov, saying “Soon, all that will be left for human beings will be non-routine, creative work.”  I call bull hockey!  WHERE ARE THE ROBOTS?!

Image courtesy of Flickr gif 'mi robot' by trinity ass.

The highway billboards here in Portland are telling me that I can now order and pay for my Starbucks latte from my smartphone.  People-phobes rejoice!  Add to that Taco Bell, Chili’s, Panera Bread, and Mickey D’s have or soon will have similar apps to effectively reduce human to human contact.  I say that’s not good enough!!  People-phobes deserve better.  Let’s kick it up a notch.  A Roomba instead of a maid is nice, but it’s no Rosie.  Where is the drone mail delivery service?  Why can’t my pizza come in a self-driving KITT-like car that will accept payment from my R2 unit and when I’m done, Jinx can deposit the box in the recycling bin that will be emptied weekly by Conky 2000 and his crew?  Today’s secret word is "obsolete". 

One final note: Cyborgs and Androids need not apply.  I don’t think Dot Matrix would make for good tech support and Terminators are pretty iffy.  When my waffle maker suddenly develops a case of ‘the feels’ and I have to deactivate it, I don’t want it to do anything creepy like wink at me.  Three monotone cheers for people who don’t need people!

Read the references of the quoted stuff if you please:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stowe-boyd/robots-jobs-purpose-humans_b_5689813.html

http://greatideas.people.com/2014/07/22/starbucks-app-order-ahead-coffee/   

I own no rights to any of the robots or the franchises mentioned, their merchandise, or anyone or thing that has to do with them.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me). No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Is popcorn better than an Oscar?

Oscar night, 2015:  I haven't seen the movies, am not much for couture, and like so many of us, I'm savvy enough to find the right highlights before heading to the proverbial water cooler.  So why bother to watch?  Simple. Popcorn.  Oscars celebrate cinema and cinema, to me, means popcorn.  I personally would rather have popcorn than an Academy Award.  

"Popcornmaker" by en:User:ElinorD - Uploaded to en: January 24 2007. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons 

Popcorn is the chameleon of snack foods.  Traditional popcorn is my favorite flavor.  But Oscar night requires extra butter.  In fact you can add just about any flavor to popcorn.  Butter, pepper, Thai spices (seriously I had some at a restaurant and it was legit!), caramel, you name it, you add it, you get more awesome.  To my knowledge, Oscars aren't tasty.

Musical foods are rare, and popcorn is one of them.  The rhythmic percussion of those edible fireworks is enough to make anyone smile, if not with their face, definitely with their tummy.  Your snack is a drum line.  Your Academy Award remains silent.

Popcorn is cheap!  I can pretty much always afford popcorn.   Even at the corporate multiplex, popcorn remains the economical choice of cinema snackage.  Paying $10 for several handfuls of popcorn is much more satisfying than paying that same ten bucks for 7 measly Raisinets.  Priced by volume, popcorn is pennies per kernel kids; pennies from heaven.

I am not a chef, but I'm pretty sure I can make popcorn 17 different ways.  Pop those kernels on the stove, in the kettle, in the air popper - vintage style, or the modern way in the microwave.  So, many, options.  An Oscar comes in one outfit, shiny nude.  

Popcorn is timeless.  Your parents ate it.  Your grand pappy did too.  Christopher frigging Columbus ate popcorn. For real!  Even the cool kids these days are still eating popcorn, and liking it.  Future generations may never enjoy a Twinkie, but popcorn is going nowhere.  Much like my love for it.  Cue exit music.




I own no rights to the Academy Awards, the franchise, it's merchandise, subsidiaries, synonyms or anyone or thing that has to do with it/them.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me) and are captioned with appropriate credit and used with permission.  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Why is the Silent Treatment so Funny?

Awwww is someone not talking to you?  Not to worry.  When you find yourself in this situation, fear not, for there is nothing to do but be amused...

Flckr image from page 106 of "Building and Engineering Catalog 1921 Edition" No known copyright restrictions

Turn down the volume and prepare for the LOLs:


~ The silent treatment is chocked full of physical exertion.  Yes I see you walking by,
    shuffling things and slamming doors, all in your relentless pursuit of being seen but not heard.  

~ Silence is quiet and doesn't interrupt me while I'm speaking.   Pity.

~ Silence can't resolve our differences.  We can't work it out over a warm cup of silence.

~ Silence punishes you way more than me.  You keep working hard to prove your point
    and I'll just be over here doin' my thang.

~ Silence is golden.  Gold has value.  Accept the payment as restitution.


The silent treatment speaks volumes about the imposer.  Mostly it says that they are a passive-aggressive abusive narcissist with extreme emotional dysfunction and you'd do well to try to remember that the next time you speak to them. LOL

What will you do next time someone stops talking to you?  I'm asking...

Why Do I Smile?

Smile.  Avoid confrontation.  Follow the golden rule.  Be the change.  Try to understand where other people are coming from and don’t judge them for being ignorant a**holes. Okay try not to judge.  There is a Smith’s song that so eloquently asks “in my life, why do I smile at people who I’d much rather kick in the eye?”.   Good question Morrissey; good friggin question. 

Smiling has been said to be contagious and understood in any language.  So why not smile?  I tend to smile at people regularly, often without even thinking about it.  It is almost natural for me personally, to smile at people in passing when we make eye contact.  But sometimes, there quickly comes regret.  It was a miss-fire!  I did not mean to be friendly towards you.  You are not deserving of my offering.  I take it back!  Is it in fact better to not smile at individuals towards which we feel disdain?

Perhaps I was giving the sarcastic smile; the one that slyly says ‘I know who you really are and how you operate’, and I smile at you because I want you to know that I know.  Y’know?  So actually, smiling is good.  But wait!  If my smile is disingenuous then I have subsequently broken the golden rule and have for all intents and purposes, [POW!] kicked ‘em in the eye.  Sigh.

On the other hand, what if they didn't perceive my smile as fake, but as if it were heartfelt?  They received a genuine smile and with it forgiveness or the notion that I have taken the higher ground and truly believe that despite our differences we can be kind to one another and leave our judgments at the door.  Wouldn't that be grand?  I think I will continue to smile.  Will you?  I’m asking…