Is America a Hypocrisy?

Image Courtesy of Pixabay.com

I feel like I’m missing something.  Something BIG.  Where was I on the day that everyone got the bucket loads of whatever I didn’t.  Was it that day I went to the DMV?  Did I miss an emergency broadcast that was an actual emergency, followed by very important instructions that I never got?  This is the only explanation I can come up with.  I’ve Googled my brains out and I either missed something, or half the country is now legally insane.  Seriously.

Most conservatives identify as Christians.  Christians are supposed to help the needy.  But giving people affordable healthcare is bad?  It is bad because it comes from the government and the government should be small.  The government shouldn’t be a giant babysitter that takes care of us and tells us what to do.  We should take care of ourselves.  Screw your neighbor.  Why should you help them?  If you help them, it will only make you weaker.  They should help themselves, dammit.  If they can’t make it on their own, they must be doing something wrong!  United we stand?  I am totally confident that Jesus would agree with the conservatives.  Or am I missing something?

People believe that legislation based on religious beliefs is justifiable, even though the First Amendment expressly forbids it.  The same people flip out about their Second Amendment right to bear arms.  People simultaneously cling to AND ignore the Constitution.  Is THAT what makes America so great?

People believe that homosexuals are to blame for the decline in American family values.  I suppose all the heterosexually explicit content on television, pornography, exotic dancers, strip clubs, prostitutes and marital cheating websites are all a part of the dastardly homosexual agenda.  The gays are clearly responsible for all of the straight people fornicating everywhere they shouldn’t be…

 

While we are on the subject, if under ANY circumstances I end up pregnant, it should be decided by an elected official (who I may or may not have voted for) and is not my family member, medical provider, or church affiliate, whether I should carry this child to term?  I must have blacked out and forgotten that women are nothing more than baby ovens.  It’s okay though, because I know the generous men in charge will be happy to assist me with diapers and groceries because I can’t afford groceries, diapers, transportation and daycare on my current salary, which definitely should NOT be higher than it is.  If I get paid more to do my job, the terrorists win.

Of course there are grants and scholarships available to me, and if I wasn’t such a lazy freeloader I could go back to school, finish my degree and get a better job that pays more money so that I can afford to feed and raise my child without mooching off the government.  People do it all the time right?!  Great. Who is going to watch my baby after I’ve worked a full shift so I can study?  Who is going to watch my baby while I go to classes at night and on the weekends?  Hopefully whoever it is will take lots of pictures because I won’t have time to be there since my education is far more important than my daughter or son’s childhood.  But wait, isn’t that putting the mother’s needs before the child’s?  So why did I have this baby?  No, no, no I am working for my child’s future, not mine!  My life no longer matters.  I am nothing but a baby factory.  If only marriages were still arranged so I could stay home with my kid while my husband goes out to earn a living much much more monetarily sound than I EVER could! 

On to a different subject.  Legalizing marijuana is going to ruin everything!  I mean just look at the influx of money into Colorado, Washington, and Oregon.  That cannot be good.  Money can fix problems.  Money can pay for education. People will be driving recklessly with their children in the car to 7-Eleven to buy Cheetos and Beef Jerky!!!  If we don't come up with a solution, this will surely cost us jobs.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh we are in so much DANGER!!!!!!!

The 2016 Presidential election.  That’s it.  I am definitely missing something on this one.

I realize it is bold of me to admit that I’m confused by a lot of what’s going on.  Maybe the liberal media is mind controlling me.  Maybe if Sunday School was graded, I would have failed.  Maybe when I was a 19-year-old kid I could have made better decisions and stayed in school and finished my degree and I would be a part of the 1% now and wouldn’t have to be concerned about petty problems like mass shootings and GMOs. 

Has something gone terribly wrong?  Was America dropped on it's head as a baby, or is it just me?  I’m asking…

Why?

Why...

Are there SHARKS in these waters?!

Image courtesy of skeeze at Pixabay.com

What is it about sharks that fascinates us so?  I myself am not a surfer.  I don't own a boat.  I live two hours inland for Pete's sake.  And yet every year, Shark Week will conquer my DVR like Genghis Khan. Those Xmas movies I never got around to watching last year are about to be replaced by 'The Great White Serial Killer'.  No really, that's one of the shows this year.  It was captivating!

People watch a lot of murderous programming.  We certainly don't mind viewing the darker side of humanity from the safety of our living rooms.  Besides, they always catch the bad guy so we're safe to roam about the city.  But let's talk about sharks.  The planet is 70% water and we have devoted an entire week to scaring ourselves out of it.  That's morbid.

Image courtesy of alondav at Pixabay.com

Can we also talk about the divers that don't use shark cages?!  They built that cage for a reason.  They call it a shark cage for a reason.  You refusing to use it demonstrates a lack of reason.  And that my friends is called entertainment value.  Will he or won't he get eaten?

Might as well just pin a medal on that dorsal fin because the sharks always win.  When a pedestrian almost gets hit by a car, that's called a near miss and everyone goes on their merry way.  When some dumb lucky human successfully fends off a shark, the shark still wins because it will come back, only a bit more pissy.  Does anyone have a bigger boat I can borrow?  I'm asking...



http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/shark-week/

Why Can't I Buy What I Want?

Sorry guys, this one's for the ladies...  I have fashion problems.  These problems aren't that I can't dress myself in a fashionable way or that I'm stylistically impaired.  I do know how to make me feel brand new.  The problem lies with the makers of women's panties and tennis shoes.

Like any reasonable lady getting dressed, I'll start with the panties.  Why oh why can't I buy a package of solid black underwear?! I can buy a package of solid white underwear.  I can buy a package with one black pair in it, but inevitably that one lonely pair of black undies will share the package with at least one god-awful looking pair that has some juvenile pattern like polka dots or stars that I won't even wear on laundry day because no they're not 'fun to wear'. Seriously, why am I forced to buy my underwear individually simply because I prefer solid dark colors over silly designs or white granny panties?  I object!  I loudly, emphatically, enthusiastically object!  Who's with me?

"No trunks please" by Gerbil - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 
via Wikimedia Commons 
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:No_trunks_please.JPG#/media/
File:No_trunks_please.JPG

While we're on the subject of what really chaps my hide (pun intended), what's up with women's sneakers?  Why are they always covered in (or at least accented with) pink or purple or teal or coral?  Why is coral even allowed to be a color? Blech!  It's as if athletic shoe designers feel the need to emphasize the delicate gender of tennis shoes; as if women will go without gym shoes entirely if they aren't feminine enough.  Gross.  Have they forgotten our beloved Keds or our simple Reeboks of days gone by?  Did we not buy enough of them?  Have we not revived them at least once or twice? Now when I go sneaker shopping, it feels like a clown school costuming session.

Image Courtesy of Gratisography/Ryan McGuire

Dear shoemakers, I don't feel the need to draw attention to my running shoes.  I don't need flattering compliments on my kicks.  Nor do I want my feet to look like I ran through a puddle of toxic radiation.  I simply want solid colored tennis shoes dammit - and not Velcro strapped nursing shoes either.  And NO I don't want to buy them online.  I want to walk out of the shoe store with them under my arm while wearing my solid black comfy underwear that I buy in bulk.  Is that too much to ask?!  I'm asking anyway...

Is popcorn better than an Oscar?

Oscar night, 2015:  I haven't seen the movies, am not much for couture, and like so many of us, I'm savvy enough to find the right highlights before heading to the proverbial water cooler.  So why bother to watch?  Simple. Popcorn.  Oscars celebrate cinema and cinema, to me, means popcorn.  I personally would rather have popcorn than an Academy Award.  

"Popcornmaker" by en:User:ElinorD - Uploaded to en: January 24 2007. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons 

Popcorn is the chameleon of snack foods.  Traditional popcorn is my favorite flavor.  But Oscar night requires extra butter.  In fact you can add just about any flavor to popcorn.  Butter, pepper, Thai spices (seriously I had some at a restaurant and it was legit!), caramel, you name it, you add it, you get more awesome.  To my knowledge, Oscars aren't tasty.

Musical foods are rare, and popcorn is one of them.  The rhythmic percussion of those edible fireworks is enough to make anyone smile, if not with their face, definitely with their tummy.  Your snack is a drum line.  Your Academy Award remains silent.

Popcorn is cheap!  I can pretty much always afford popcorn.   Even at the corporate multiplex, popcorn remains the economical choice of cinema snackage.  Paying $10 for several handfuls of popcorn is much more satisfying than paying that same ten bucks for 7 measly Raisinets.  Priced by volume, popcorn is pennies per kernel kids; pennies from heaven.

I am not a chef, but I'm pretty sure I can make popcorn 17 different ways.  Pop those kernels on the stove, in the kettle, in the air popper - vintage style, or the modern way in the microwave.  So, many, options.  An Oscar comes in one outfit, shiny nude.  

Popcorn is timeless.  Your parents ate it.  Your grand pappy did too.  Christopher frigging Columbus ate popcorn. For real!  Even the cool kids these days are still eating popcorn, and liking it.  Future generations may never enjoy a Twinkie, but popcorn is going nowhere.  Much like my love for it.  Cue exit music.




I own no rights to the Academy Awards, the franchise, it's merchandise, subsidiaries, synonyms or anyone or thing that has to do with it/them.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me) and are captioned with appropriate credit and used with permission.  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Why Do I Smile?

Smile.  Avoid confrontation.  Follow the golden rule.  Be the change.  Try to understand where other people are coming from and don’t judge them for being ignorant a**holes. Okay try not to judge.  There is a Smith’s song that so eloquently asks “in my life, why do I smile at people who I’d much rather kick in the eye?”.   Good question Morrissey; good friggin question. 

Smiling has been said to be contagious and understood in any language.  So why not smile?  I tend to smile at people regularly, often without even thinking about it.  It is almost natural for me personally, to smile at people in passing when we make eye contact.  But sometimes, there quickly comes regret.  It was a miss-fire!  I did not mean to be friendly towards you.  You are not deserving of my offering.  I take it back!  Is it in fact better to not smile at individuals towards which we feel disdain?

Perhaps I was giving the sarcastic smile; the one that slyly says ‘I know who you really are and how you operate’, and I smile at you because I want you to know that I know.  Y’know?  So actually, smiling is good.  But wait!  If my smile is disingenuous then I have subsequently broken the golden rule and have for all intents and purposes, [POW!] kicked ‘em in the eye.  Sigh.

On the other hand, what if they didn't perceive my smile as fake, but as if it were heartfelt?  They received a genuine smile and with it forgiveness or the notion that I have taken the higher ground and truly believe that despite our differences we can be kind to one another and leave our judgments at the door.  Wouldn't that be grand?  I think I will continue to smile.  Will you?  I’m asking…

Are You the Boss of Me?

I hope I’m my own boss.  The boss is (usually) the person in charge.  Nevertheless, I’m completely unclear as to whether ‘boss’ is a good or bad thing.  Bossy people, according to the inter-webs, are fond of giving orders, domineering, overly authoritative, and even dictatorial.  Yikes!  I don’t want to be that boss.

Image courtesy of scottchan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

‘BOSS’ is also a slang term historically used in America, as well as currently used in parts of England (Liverpool) meaning awesome, cool, neat-o, or anything even remotely good.  Now that’s a ‘boss’ I can get behind!

The word 'boss' comes from the Dutch baas which means “master”.  Ergo the phrase “okay boss” loosely translates to “yes master”, which might be okay if you look cute in a genie costume.  Maybe.  I am however, neither a genie nor an astronaut.  I don’t want that boss.

Bosses are also most certainly bad in video games.  They are what stands between you the gamer and your next level of game play.  On the other hand, if you defeat an in-game boss, or perform any random real-life act reasonably well-ish, then you just may be living your life entirely ‘like a boss’. Check your local Meme or sketch comedy show to find out.

Perhaps I should ‘Act like a Lady and Think like a Boss’, but this begs the question: Who’s the Boss I should act like?

Can I really be my own BOSS boss, or is someone else in fact the bossy boss of me?  I’m asking….

Who Is Gen Clever??

To whom am I posing these burning questions?

Answer:  A person or persons with answers.

Perhaps an entire generation of such people has yet to be born...  I'm hoping she or they are here and simply have yet to be properly asked the right questions.  Or perhaps Gen Clever is the one doing the asking.

Image courtesy of FreeMediaGoo.com

Perhaps you dear reader are Gen Clever.  Are you a compass?  Is Gen Clever out there, or in here?

I'm asking...

Let's start with the BIG stuff shall we?!

Who, what, when, why, and how.  Right?  The important questions in life:  Who am I? What do I want to be when I grow up? When do I have to know by?  Why is it so important?  How much does it pay??  Decisions and questions and then some…

When I was in grade school I knew exactly what I wanted to be (an astronaut) and pretty much how to get there.  However, being as young as I was, I wasn't as thorough as I could have been in my planning.  It turns out that engineering is really hard, not to mention boring, and being an astronaut is more than floating around in a tin can pushing shiny buttons and drinking Tang.  Also, unless you look a lot like Sandra Bullock, you more than likely won’t successfully fumble your way home if you are the only surviving civilian after a space catastrophe.  Soooo maybe I chose the wrong career?

I can do anything I set my mind to.  That’s what my mama told me.  What she didn't tell me (or perhaps she did and I forgot to listen) is that money sucks and has a paradoxical relationship with happiness.  Money cannot buy happiness, but not having money can buy lots and lots of misery, on credit, at a ridiculously high interest rate.  I grew up with just enough to know that everyone else had a little more, but I was happy nonetheless.  Or maybe that’s why my life’s ambition was to get off this rock.  They never run out of Tang in space. 

I am definitely not unhappy now, but I can assure you that having more money would definitely not make me less happy.  My spouse makes twice the money that I do, but also works nearly double the hours.  So we bring home a lot of those freakish peanut pods that only have one peanut inside the shell.  (Same amount of work for only half the reward).  I feel like there exists somewhere a secret balance; a mystical percentage if you will, that allows people to work a realistic schedule and earn enough money to pay the realistic bills, maintain a realistic social life, and put away for those future days of retirement bliss; you know, realistically.  Who can do the math?  What are you waiting for?  When will you have this figured out?  Why weren't we told about this sooner (OR why didn't we listen)?  And finally how do we spread the message once the answer is found?

People are being paid millions to catch vermin and air their dirty laundry and bad habits on reality television.  I have no answers, only questions.  For instance, should I have learned to wrestle gators instead of spending all that time in college?  I’m asking…