Is America a Hypocrisy?

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I feel like I’m missing something.  Something BIG.  Where was I on the day that everyone got the bucket loads of whatever I didn’t.  Was it that day I went to the DMV?  Did I miss an emergency broadcast that was an actual emergency, followed by very important instructions that I never got?  This is the only explanation I can come up with.  I’ve Googled my brains out and I either missed something, or half the country is now legally insane.  Seriously.

Most conservatives identify as Christians.  Christians are supposed to help the needy.  But giving people affordable healthcare is bad?  It is bad because it comes from the government and the government should be small.  The government shouldn’t be a giant babysitter that takes care of us and tells us what to do.  We should take care of ourselves.  Screw your neighbor.  Why should you help them?  If you help them, it will only make you weaker.  They should help themselves, dammit.  If they can’t make it on their own, they must be doing something wrong!  United we stand?  I am totally confident that Jesus would agree with the conservatives.  Or am I missing something?

People believe that legislation based on religious beliefs is justifiable, even though the First Amendment expressly forbids it.  The same people flip out about their Second Amendment right to bear arms.  People simultaneously cling to AND ignore the Constitution.  Is THAT what makes America so great?

People believe that homosexuals are to blame for the decline in American family values.  I suppose all the heterosexually explicit content on television, pornography, exotic dancers, strip clubs, prostitutes and marital cheating websites are all a part of the dastardly homosexual agenda.  The gays are clearly responsible for all of the straight people fornicating everywhere they shouldn’t be…

 

While we are on the subject, if under ANY circumstances I end up pregnant, it should be decided by an elected official (who I may or may not have voted for) and is not my family member, medical provider, or church affiliate, whether I should carry this child to term?  I must have blacked out and forgotten that women are nothing more than baby ovens.  It’s okay though, because I know the generous men in charge will be happy to assist me with diapers and groceries because I can’t afford groceries, diapers, transportation and daycare on my current salary, which definitely should NOT be higher than it is.  If I get paid more to do my job, the terrorists win.

Of course there are grants and scholarships available to me, and if I wasn’t such a lazy freeloader I could go back to school, finish my degree and get a better job that pays more money so that I can afford to feed and raise my child without mooching off the government.  People do it all the time right?!  Great. Who is going to watch my baby after I’ve worked a full shift so I can study?  Who is going to watch my baby while I go to classes at night and on the weekends?  Hopefully whoever it is will take lots of pictures because I won’t have time to be there since my education is far more important than my daughter or son’s childhood.  But wait, isn’t that putting the mother’s needs before the child’s?  So why did I have this baby?  No, no, no I am working for my child’s future, not mine!  My life no longer matters.  I am nothing but a baby factory.  If only marriages were still arranged so I could stay home with my kid while my husband goes out to earn a living much much more monetarily sound than I EVER could! 

On to a different subject.  Legalizing marijuana is going to ruin everything!  I mean just look at the influx of money into Colorado, Washington, and Oregon.  That cannot be good.  Money can fix problems.  Money can pay for education. People will be driving recklessly with their children in the car to 7-Eleven to buy Cheetos and Beef Jerky!!!  If we don't come up with a solution, this will surely cost us jobs.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh we are in so much DANGER!!!!!!!

The 2016 Presidential election.  That’s it.  I am definitely missing something on this one.

I realize it is bold of me to admit that I’m confused by a lot of what’s going on.  Maybe the liberal media is mind controlling me.  Maybe if Sunday School was graded, I would have failed.  Maybe when I was a 19-year-old kid I could have made better decisions and stayed in school and finished my degree and I would be a part of the 1% now and wouldn’t have to be concerned about petty problems like mass shootings and GMOs. 

Has something gone terribly wrong?  Was America dropped on it's head as a baby, or is it just me?  I’m asking…

Let's start with the BIG stuff shall we?!

Who, what, when, why, and how.  Right?  The important questions in life:  Who am I? What do I want to be when I grow up? When do I have to know by?  Why is it so important?  How much does it pay??  Decisions and questions and then some…

When I was in grade school I knew exactly what I wanted to be (an astronaut) and pretty much how to get there.  However, being as young as I was, I wasn't as thorough as I could have been in my planning.  It turns out that engineering is really hard, not to mention boring, and being an astronaut is more than floating around in a tin can pushing shiny buttons and drinking Tang.  Also, unless you look a lot like Sandra Bullock, you more than likely won’t successfully fumble your way home if you are the only surviving civilian after a space catastrophe.  Soooo maybe I chose the wrong career?

I can do anything I set my mind to.  That’s what my mama told me.  What she didn't tell me (or perhaps she did and I forgot to listen) is that money sucks and has a paradoxical relationship with happiness.  Money cannot buy happiness, but not having money can buy lots and lots of misery, on credit, at a ridiculously high interest rate.  I grew up with just enough to know that everyone else had a little more, but I was happy nonetheless.  Or maybe that’s why my life’s ambition was to get off this rock.  They never run out of Tang in space. 

I am definitely not unhappy now, but I can assure you that having more money would definitely not make me less happy.  My spouse makes twice the money that I do, but also works nearly double the hours.  So we bring home a lot of those freakish peanut pods that only have one peanut inside the shell.  (Same amount of work for only half the reward).  I feel like there exists somewhere a secret balance; a mystical percentage if you will, that allows people to work a realistic schedule and earn enough money to pay the realistic bills, maintain a realistic social life, and put away for those future days of retirement bliss; you know, realistically.  Who can do the math?  What are you waiting for?  When will you have this figured out?  Why weren't we told about this sooner (OR why didn't we listen)?  And finally how do we spread the message once the answer is found?

People are being paid millions to catch vermin and air their dirty laundry and bad habits on reality television.  I have no answers, only questions.  For instance, should I have learned to wrestle gators instead of spending all that time in college?  I’m asking…