Is America a Hypocrisy?

Image Courtesy of Pixabay.com

I feel like I’m missing something.  Something BIG.  Where was I on the day that everyone got the bucket loads of whatever I didn’t.  Was it that day I went to the DMV?  Did I miss an emergency broadcast that was an actual emergency, followed by very important instructions that I never got?  This is the only explanation I can come up with.  I’ve Googled my brains out and I either missed something, or half the country is now legally insane.  Seriously.

Most conservatives identify as Christians.  Christians are supposed to help the needy.  But giving people affordable healthcare is bad?  It is bad because it comes from the government and the government should be small.  The government shouldn’t be a giant babysitter that takes care of us and tells us what to do.  We should take care of ourselves.  Screw your neighbor.  Why should you help them?  If you help them, it will only make you weaker.  They should help themselves, dammit.  If they can’t make it on their own, they must be doing something wrong!  United we stand?  I am totally confident that Jesus would agree with the conservatives.  Or am I missing something?

People believe that legislation based on religious beliefs is justifiable, even though the First Amendment expressly forbids it.  The same people flip out about their Second Amendment right to bear arms.  People simultaneously cling to AND ignore the Constitution.  Is THAT what makes America so great?

People believe that homosexuals are to blame for the decline in American family values.  I suppose all the heterosexually explicit content on television, pornography, exotic dancers, strip clubs, prostitutes and marital cheating websites are all a part of the dastardly homosexual agenda.  The gays are clearly responsible for all of the straight people fornicating everywhere they shouldn’t be…

 

While we are on the subject, if under ANY circumstances I end up pregnant, it should be decided by an elected official (who I may or may not have voted for) and is not my family member, medical provider, or church affiliate, whether I should carry this child to term?  I must have blacked out and forgotten that women are nothing more than baby ovens.  It’s okay though, because I know the generous men in charge will be happy to assist me with diapers and groceries because I can’t afford groceries, diapers, transportation and daycare on my current salary, which definitely should NOT be higher than it is.  If I get paid more to do my job, the terrorists win.

Of course there are grants and scholarships available to me, and if I wasn’t such a lazy freeloader I could go back to school, finish my degree and get a better job that pays more money so that I can afford to feed and raise my child without mooching off the government.  People do it all the time right?!  Great. Who is going to watch my baby after I’ve worked a full shift so I can study?  Who is going to watch my baby while I go to classes at night and on the weekends?  Hopefully whoever it is will take lots of pictures because I won’t have time to be there since my education is far more important than my daughter or son’s childhood.  But wait, isn’t that putting the mother’s needs before the child’s?  So why did I have this baby?  No, no, no I am working for my child’s future, not mine!  My life no longer matters.  I am nothing but a baby factory.  If only marriages were still arranged so I could stay home with my kid while my husband goes out to earn a living much much more monetarily sound than I EVER could! 

On to a different subject.  Legalizing marijuana is going to ruin everything!  I mean just look at the influx of money into Colorado, Washington, and Oregon.  That cannot be good.  Money can fix problems.  Money can pay for education. People will be driving recklessly with their children in the car to 7-Eleven to buy Cheetos and Beef Jerky!!!  If we don't come up with a solution, this will surely cost us jobs.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh we are in so much DANGER!!!!!!!

The 2016 Presidential election.  That’s it.  I am definitely missing something on this one.

I realize it is bold of me to admit that I’m confused by a lot of what’s going on.  Maybe the liberal media is mind controlling me.  Maybe if Sunday School was graded, I would have failed.  Maybe when I was a 19-year-old kid I could have made better decisions and stayed in school and finished my degree and I would be a part of the 1% now and wouldn’t have to be concerned about petty problems like mass shootings and GMOs. 

Has something gone terribly wrong?  Was America dropped on it's head as a baby, or is it just me?  I’m asking…

Are We Alone?

People like to talk definitively.  Wikipedia has empowered us.  We earthlings can speak on practically any subject and even spew valid facts after just a spot of research.  Library?  Pshaw!  Where am I going with this you ask?  If you read the title, you may have guessed that I’m going to tell you that aliens exist.   Your guess would be semi-accurate.  I’m going to tell you that aliens could exist, and we couldn’t know for certain if they didn’t. 

Image courtesy of Victor Habbick at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When we look up into the night sky, we are only seeing 0.000003% of our own galaxy.  Our galaxy (the Milky Way for those of you just joining us) is one of an estimated 500 billion galaxies in the universe.  Add to that the human eye sees less than 1% of the visible spectrum of light.  Visible light is only 2.3% of the whole electromagnetic spectrum, or 0.0035% on a linear scale.  That’s fancy science talk for ‘humans can’t see very much of what can be seen’.  See?

The technologies we’ve discovered and developed to help us see what's invisible to the naked eye are relatively new in the grand scheme of it all.  The median age of terrestrial planets in our galaxy is about one billion years older than the age of the Earth.  Earthlings are infantile compared to what’s out there.  How could we recognize aliens if we don’t understand their technology?  You don't expect me to get the jokes in a foreign film without subtitles do you?

Image courtesy of Comfreak at Pixabay.com

Thirdly, how do we know aliens want to be seen?  Perhaps Kathleen Madigan was accurate when she joked about Earth being 'the Alabama of the universe'.  Maybe they don’t want to be contacted by us. I mean, look at us!  If aliens are more advanced, wouldn’t it be pretty easy for them to ‘hide’ from us?  We on earth hide all the time.  We have camouflage, stealth technology, cloaking devices, whatever Predator does in those movies...

Finally, Dr. Frank Drake, the founder of SETI (Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence), says that digital technology is ‘hiding’ us from aliens.  We were once surrounded by a huge shell of radiation from analog TV, radio, and radar transmissions.  These signals are vanishing in the wake of digital technology.  We are turning ourselves into white noise in space.  If we ever did knock on an alien’s door, we are now hiding behind the bushes in their front yard.  We are silly stupid juveniles who don't even know what 90% of the universe is made up of. We just named it 'Dark Matter' and moved on.  So, are we alone?  I'm asking...

http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/2007-08/1188407794.Ph.r.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2523058/Camouflage-suits-make-wearers-impossible-see.html

http://www.dailygalaxy.com/my_weblog/2010/02/invisible-extraterrestrials-one-of-worlds-leading-physicist-says-they-could-exist-in-forms-we-cant-c.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/7077464/Earth-becoming-invisible-to-aliens.html

Put Down Your Phone Please?!

Image courtesy of Carlos ZGZ at Flickr  

Imagine your phone and your wallet were two separate things.  What would happen if you left your house without your wallet?  What would happen if you left your house without your phone?  Is your answer the same for both questions?  Why or why not?  If you were a mile down the road, would you go back for your phone, knowing it would make you late to wherever you were going?  Do you even have the ability to leave the house without reading a review or posting a status update?  Are you aware that there are apps to help you reduce your phone usage?  Do you believe a person can be addicted to their smartphone?

My answers are: I need my wallet but not my phone, nope, because I’m not addicted, no way, uh huh, sadly yes, and indeed I do.  Technology is grand.  Social media has had a positive impact.  However, we do not need it all day every day. I am so over the smartphone zombies I could run over the smartphone zombies.  Can I?  If you can’t put your phone down long enough to ride somewhere in a car with someone, interact with a cashier, or cross the street, well then you suck!  That’s it.  I’m calling it like I see it.  I see it, because I’m looking at it rather than at my phone.  

Flickr photo by Rob Swystun

Moderation is all I'm saying.  There is a tangible, physical world to look at.  There are people to talk to, dogs to walk, adventures to be had.  Put down your phone, for just a moment each day.  Look at the sky.  Look at people in the eye, or at least in the general face area.  You can tweet about what you saw when you get home.  You may even become more interesting if you shared more of what you actually saw of the world with your own eyes, rather than the mindless drivel you see on your mobile screen.  You could share yourself with another person, IN PERSON!  Gasp!

If you or someone you know has become numb to the world around them because they are too obsessed with their smartphone, please seek help.  There are apps for that: Breakfree, Moment, Checky, or Offtime can assist you.  I also suggest going outdoors (because it’s harder to see the screen), leaving your service coverage area, hypnotherapy, finding a time machine, or simply getting a %*$^ing life.

  

You might even remember some of what happened last week if you reduced the number of meaningless soundbites you intake, and instead read relevant news for a short while each day.  What color was that dress anyway?  How many opinions do you need about something?  Why are we attempting to validate our lives in this way?  Albert Einstein said "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction.  The world will have a generation of idiots."  How did we become so broken?  I’m asking…

#Unplug  #TechnologyFreeTuesday  #PhoneFreefor5  #Participate



Photo of Pink Man by Carlos ZGZ from Flickr:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/carloszgz/15827689251/in/photolist-q7D3zZ-5TJoyH-bpcFqy-igJihb-bLcHw4-bz2Ff5-aGiFQn-ix6pai-aNEZTr-mXs4KP-bCWuuM-9DTk6K-bvATiE-byGJAh-2FZD-7pWFAX-62dhTS-kBNJm4-drC7KA-bHZ5YZ-5XkyEw-5q8weZ-4jyTZo-23zUX1-4NEYz7-4jyQau-5qcR53-4DhK-6UyKrK-8cKY9j-5Dj6pT-2pVKv2-aFRe2H-sb2arN-ejUAZx-2pVKqx-mPe7rH-rGqXfi-aiEnz3-8ambTW-aMUuKv-n1Sbpp-hs6NFs-iLLSFB-jBgRqU-4VBoom-5UAi8m-x9uiV-x9u7H-x9tU9
Photo by Rob Swystun of monument of Ukrainian poet Taras Hryhorovych Shevchenko (1814-1861):
https://www.flickr.com/photos/rob_swystun/17178667812/in/photolist-sb2arN-ejUAZx-2pVKqx-mPe7rH-rGqXfi-aiEnz3-8ambTW-aMUuKv-n1Sbpp-hs6NFs-jBgRqU-4VBoom-5UAi8m-x9uiV-x9u7H-x9tU9-rUmKui-2YEMYM-2YKd3L-s6bDDZ-bx9YgA-naPaJP-dW3As9-aGTj-hocczq-hobKm4-rN3e6i-t7KQ22-6eVbEj-tGp8Tj-2kW6Go-2kVNDU-6cqvif-e6Uwzz-rthfVG-pRQZrj-q9kQ7W-pqyfX6-7vxTv7-rAxPUK-bUxRRd-aZ939x-bUxRg7-akaFuR-4FYRxy-brtjse-jAhx62-ocBc1y-pj6Rvb-c4cVC7

What Don't You Know?

Image from page 317 of "The brain as an organ of mind" (1896) Identifier: brainasorganofmi00bast
 Title: The brain as an organ of mind Year: 1896 (1890s) Authors: Bastian, H. Charlton

Knowing something means nothing.  Sharing something means everything.  It takes two people to truly know something. This is because one person obtaining new knowledge changes nothing.  The magic happens when the carrier of the new knowledge or idea passes it on to another person.  

Every week I strive to post a new blog entry.  I do this in the hopes that one person laughs or two people learn.  Two heads are better than one, unless of course they share a body. Seriously though, how futile would a secret single person mission to Mars be?  How evil to cure yourself alone of an incurable disease?  Would we love Ben's ice cream if there was no Jerry?  

The one exception to this rule of course would be invisibility.  If one person discovered how to make themselves invisible, they could singularly affect the world.  However, if the discovery died with them, the impact would be significantly reduced. So you see, sharing is caring.

Image Courtesy of FreeMediaGoo.com

Invisibility aside, science, medicine, arts, and the humanities all require a second mind to be validated or even fully experienced.  If someone reinvents the wheel, they'd better share it with the rest of us or it means nothing.  We need each other - as a species.  That's my latest discovery.  Pass it on.

How much more do CEOs make than their employees?

Remember when you were a kid in school and your teacher adamantly told you that it was necessary to learn this excruciating process called mathematics because you would eventually apply it to your adult life?  Fast forward to you sitting in your boss’s office receiving your annual smack-in-the-face wage increase.  Here we are in the middle of a minimum wage debate with presidential campaigners talking about the earnings of CEO’s and hedge fund managers, and you get to go home and tell your spouse about the so-called generosity of your employer.  It's time to dust off the old abacus.

"Kugleramme". Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kugleramme.jpg#/media/File:Kugleramme.jpg

I work a 9ish to 5ish for a large U.S. corporation.  The CEO of that corporation makes (let’s round it out to) 18.5 million dollars a year.  I, like most people, earn remarkably less.  This got me thinking…  How much more does the average CEO make than the average American worker?  Others have done the math, but like teacher always said, you have to show your work.  I hope you’ve been stretching because we’re about to crunch some numbers!

Let’s say the CEO is an overachiever and works 60 hours a week, while the average employee works 40 hours a week.  I’m being generous, because my company ‘encourages’ full-time workers to work 39 hours a week with a one hour buffer for early arrivals or late departures.  In other words, they schedule us for 39 hours and expect us to only work 39 hours a week, robbing us of four hours of pay per month.  Arg!  Let’s also assume that everyone gets the benefit of a full-time position, and enjoys the added perk of paid vacation, receiving pay for all 52 weeks of the year.  Finally, let’s enter a world where all the employees of the company earn $15 per hour for an annual salary of $31,200.  What a wonderful company this must be!

If our CEO is also paid for all 52 weeks in a year, he earns approximately $5900 an hour.  That's right, $15 vs $5900.  Whoa.  But okay, that’s not greed, that’s just healthy stock market returns, proving that shareholders approve of what a great job the CEO is doing.  That seems fair?

The average worker in my scenario at $15 an hour is earning 25¢ a minute, while the CEO is making $98 a minute.  Sixty seconds of work for a worker might buy a phone call, while one second of work for the CEO could buy a fairly substantial sandwich from any dollar menu in town.

Now let’s really blow our minds.  The state of Washington currently has the highest minimum wage at $9.47 an hour.  This translates to 16¢ a minute.  The CEO makes $98 a minute, while the average worker earns 16¢ in the same amount of time.  My mind is blown.  How ‘bout yours?  Another thing I noticed is that when you break down the numbers, it doesn’t seem like it would be all that painful to increase your workers’ wages from 16¢ to 25¢ a minute.  Depending on the number of employees working for the corporation and the number of locations, branches or offices, the additional cost per item or service could be almost negligible.  Additionally, the CEO could take a smaller earning, still live well, and reduce the cost increase incurred by paying workers a living wage.  Dan Price has done it. 

Some may read this and reply with a ‘Trickle up Poverty’ remark, or some other such nonsense about lazy people who want something for nothing.  The truth is that the average American needs a bit more, while the kind folks in charge could do with a bit less.  Hillary Clinton can indeed be wealthy and fight for the financially struggling.  Saying she can’t is like saying I can’t march for Ferguson because I’m white.  Puh-lease!  Besides, doesn’t a rising tide lift all boats?  I’m asking…

More fun with numbers:

Gravity Payments CEO takes 90% pay cut to give workers huge raise

A Wal-Mart worker making $9 an hour would have to work 2.8 million hours to match the CEO’s pay

Hillary Bashes the Rich, But How Many Millions Does She Have?

Would Walmart’s Prices Spike if They Paid Their Employees More? 

What Are the Top 7 Reasons Why We Love Star Wars?

How is it that we never tire of Star Wars?  What is it about this franchise that keeps us not only interested, but actively obsessed?  I'm asking you, Gen Clever...  Give me seven reasons why the moment the second teaser trailer for The Force Awakens hit the Internet, our hashtags, profile pics, and social media statuses immediately became Star Wars themed.  

Image courtesy of koratmember at FreeDigialPhotos.net

1.  The Force.  The Force is the thing that other space movies and adventure franchises lack.  Love and skill will only get a young hero so far.  The Force is that element of potential we all 'search our feelings' to find.  The Force is why I take T’ai Chi classes.  The Force is to be respected and feared, like fire.  Fire can warm us and light our way, but fire also burns and destroys.  The Force is basically G-O-D to a Star Wars fan. 

2.  Lightsabers.  Obi-Wan said it best: "This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. A more elegant weapon for a more civilized age."  Lightsabers cut, burn, melt, stab, deflect, and remove any pesky appendage that might get in the way.  They are of the Force, and in order to be used masterfully, require an intimate understanding of the Force and also perhaps the time and skill to complete the Lightsaber Building 101 course presumably taught at the Jedi Academy.  While some (Han Solo) would say "ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side", if you can weild a lightsaber, you'll never have to worry about someone sneaking up on you in the dark.

3.  The sounds that space makes.  The ships, the lasers, the droids, the creatures, and the lightsabers clashing create an endless happy dance for our ears.  Whether it’s a John Williams Overture, or the Doppler Effect brilliantly generated by sound engineers, Star Wars sounds are phenomenal and unlike any other!  They are also unlike the sounds of actual space, which would make for a terrible waste of surround sound!

Artwork by Akira Yashiki

4.  The ships.  Star Wars has an exhausting array of spaceships. Small, large, fast, deadly, we got ‘em.  Live on a ship, blow up a ship, infiltrate a ship, hide a ship, or race a ship. The Millennium Falcon is the Mack Truck of ships; a little mud on the tires and a driver that’s all heart underneath the scruff.  Meanwhile the Empire’s Star Destroyers are more sterile than a hospital clean room.  I’m in a long term ship with these ships.  I couldn't help it even if I wanted to.

Image Courtesy of FreeMediaGoo.com

5.  The Clothes.  Stay with me.  Not the hair, the clothes!  Robes and tunics are awesome.  Hooded robes are even more awesome!  Somewhere between a robe and a kimono, we have the samurai-like apparel that Jedi Knights wear.  There are also capes and boots.  CAPES AND BOOTS!  No one in Star Wars wears flashy colors or silly patterns, (with Padme Amidala being the occasional exception).  We all wanted to Cosplay Star Wars before Cosplay was even a thing we had heard of.     

 6.  Bad guys that are SO GOOD.  We suffered through some terrible cinema knowing that our devotion would later be repaid.  We love watching Anakin go Darth.  We love to hate on Jabba the Hutt.  We fear the Crimson clad Imperial Guard, and they’re just the Emperor’s lackeys!  They've got nothing on the Emperor himself.  Not to mention Boba Fett, Grand Moff Tarkin and all those 'wretched scum' at Mos Eisley…  What’s not to love to hate?

7.  Droids Droids Droids!  You need expertise?  There’s a droid for that.  If you ever find yourself trapped in a trash compactor with three of your closest friends, you’d better hope you have a droid as part of your posse.  In fact, R2-D2 saved the day more times than Yoda says ‘hmm’.  And let us not forget that it was C-3PO who convinced Luke to encourage his uncle to purchase R2-D2 from the Jawas after Owen initially decided R2 was 'not the droid he was looking for' and chose R5-D4 instead.   How much teddy bear fluff would be on the Endor forest floor if R2 had never come into Luke’s possession, had his restraining bolt removed, and fatefully led Luke to old Ben Kenobi?  Think about that for a minute.

It is these seven reasons (and infinitely more) that keep us watching, reading, listening, repeating, purchasing, and lovingly incorporating the Star Wars universe into our own.  It is these reasons that allow us to forgive and/or overlook characters like Jar Jar Binks, or the controversial Greedo scene ‘reshoot’.  This franchise has changed us, become a part of us, and for these reasons we will celebrate every May the Fourth and spend our hard-earned duckets to go see The Force Awakens at the theater on opening night, and probably several nights thereafter.  May the Force be with us, always.

I own no rights to Star Wars, the franchise, it's merchandise, Disney, or anyone or thing that has to do with it.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me) and are captioned with appropriate credit and used with permission.  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Is Orange the Underdog of Colors?

The answer is an astounding YES!  Unless you frequent The Home Depot, there is a serious lack of orange in your life. I have no theory as to why,  but I do have sufficient evidence to support this tragic fact.  The world is a cruel place dominated by primary colors and seconded by all those shades of gray. Orange has suffered a cruel and undignified fate.  

Automatic dumper at the co-op orange packing plant, Redlands, Calif. Santa Fe trip (LOC) Delano, Jack,, photographer

What about Orange Is the New Black you ask? Hasn't this been a fashion win for orange?  In case you are one of the 19 people that hasn't streamed this little gem, let me fill you in.  The general population of inmates actually wear khaki. Yes, khaki.  Orange is designated for the newbies, the fresh meat, the outcasts of the prison population.  To add further insult, a county jail in Michigan has changed its jumpsuits from orange back to the old black-and-white jailbird stripes. Apparently there is something worse for women to wear than horizontal stripes. Sadly, that something is orange.  

There is a well-known web series starring an orange character.  That sounds good at the outset, but trust me he's no peach.  While humorous to viewers, *spoiler alert* The [appropriately named] Annoying Orange generally annoys the other fruits and veggies hanging around.  Nobody has a Crush on this guy.

How did blue ever get its gloomy reputation with a color like orange around?

Image courtesy of imageafter.com light fx

Pac-Man features an orange ghost named Clyde.  Clyde is the black, or shall we say orange sheep of the Pac-Man world.  The rest of the Ghost Gang, Pinky, Blinky, and Inky have more consistent patterns and give more chase to Pac-Man than Clyde.  In the classic Pac-Man world, Clyde is goofy and dim-witted. He lacks the villainous nature of the other ghosts.  In Ms. Pac-Man, Clyde is re-gendered and renamed Sue.  Clyde, the Orange ghost, becomes the boy named Sue... Heartbreaking.

I do appreciate that Sesame Street gave Bert an orange best friend named Ernie.  I also recognize that there are several orange "Pony"s to teach us the magic of friendship. However, the orange Power Ranger remains a wannabe's sweet reverie and the painful truth is that Scooter from The Muppets is a behind the scenes guy who'll never experience the celebrity of Gonzo or the recognition of Kermit. 

Meanwhile, these neat statistics show that orange has the lowest percentage of colour use in triband flags, coming in at a wimpy 3.23%.  Only three colors score lower than orange for flag desirability.  The three unfortunate colors are brown, gray, and surprisingly, purple. Purple must be feeling pretty bad about itself right now.  The percentage of country flags containing orange is somewhere between 0.2% and 0.6% according to Time.com.  Orange never gets to have any Fun with Flags. Further proof lies in the fact that professional sports teams sport orange quite sparingly.  See for yourself!

What may be the final nail in this citrusy coffin is Marvel's answer to DC Comic's lone orange superhero.  What's more underdog than a seahorse riding Atlantean who talks to dolphins?  Why Captain Citrus of course! Clearly what The Avengers need is a member with ties to the Florida citrus industry who draws power from the sun and defeats evil by making smart nutritional choices.  Have you ever wondered what would happen if an actual orange became a superhero? Well now you can stop wondering and have your life back. Seriously, take it back.

The comic book universe is severely lacking in significant superheroes that don a costume of orange.  There are some villains quite fond of it but without delving into superhero colour theory, this fact only aids my case.  I am a dedicated advocate for the underdog and my hope is that orange will one day rise to the top. Imagine a world where Dorothy could proudly follow the ORANGE brick road. Perhaps that kind of thinking is too far forward. Perhaps you think Orange Julius has had its fair shake. Perhaps you are one who can appreciate both red and yellow, but finds no satisfaction in their coalescence.  Why must orange suffer so? Won't you please give orange a chance?  I'm asking...

I own no rights to the color orange or any of the people, companies, persons, or franchises mentioned, their merchandise, or anyone or thing that has to do with it/them.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me) and are captioned with appropriate credit and used with permission.  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Eggstreme Jelly Beans!

It is practically tradition that I share a string of random images for Easter, because I'm not sure what else to do after the eggs are found and the chocolate is eaten.  So here ya go!

The Classic

The Update

Best use of Bunny Costume EVER!

The Uneggspected...  or is it?

Peep Hilarity

Nerdy Easter Eggs (They aren't edible)

Roger and Jessica Rabbit

Vincent Price as Egghead on 1966 Batman TV Show

A Public Service Announcement about Grocery Shopping

Have you ever heard anyone say "Yay!  I get to go grocery shopping today!"?  Of course you haven't.  The supermarket can be a traumatic place for anyone, adults and hungry children who missed their naps alike.  As a public service, I have compiled a list of DOs and DON'Ts to help you on your next visit to the grocery store.

"Reihe Einkaufswagen" by 4028mdk09 - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Reihe_Einkaufswagen.JPG#/media/File:Reihe_Einkaufswagen.JPG

DO:  Take reusable shopping bags.  It's the green thing to do and you can avoid those pesky bag fees.  Some stores will even give you credit to boot!  

DON'T:  Ask for paper inside of plastic.  That is nonsense. Who does that?? Instead do DO number 1.

DO:  Keep your cart to one side of the aisle.  It's okay to go around, but be sure to merge back into the proper lane after passing.  Treat the aisle as if it were a roadway, in the U.S., not in England.

DON'T:  Let your kids push the cart.  They can't drive or make decisions and they will end up violating the second DO repeatedly.

DO:  Make decisions quickly.  Let's be real.  Most of the time the store has the same selection that it had the last time you were there.  If you want to try something new, then by all means try something new but don't take an inordinate amount of time making your decision.  People are waiting.  Carts are backing up.  We can only pretend to look at something else for so long...

DON'T:  Have phone conversations loudly enough for people two aisles over to hear you.  You are not impressing anyone with your "I'm so busy I can only call my stockbroker while I'm grocery shopping" routine.  If I wanted to hear conversation while I was shopping I would have brought someone with me.  There is a radio playing softly somewhere.  Let's all be quiet enough to enjoy it.

DO:  Bring a list.  It's okay to wing it when you know you need everything anyway.  But if you have specific items in mind, jot them down or create a list in your smartphone.  You'll save yourself the aggravation of circling around trying to decipher those cryptic aisle directory signs. 

DON'T:  Eat all the samples.  It's called a sample, not free lunch you inconsiderate selfish bastard.

DO:  Be courteous to the cashier.  If you can't be the bright spot in someones day, be the spot they forgot.  The cashier is generally not responsible for coupon fails, under staffing, or the cost of what you purchased.

DON'T:  Leave your cart, wagon, basket, or buggy in a parking space.  Those things have wheels and can become a rolling agent of destruction.  Plus, it's just plain rude.


Remember that grocery shopping is the modern day version of hunting and gathering. People are wild animals, especially when given any device on wheels.  Follow these tips and share them with a friend.  Together, we can make adulthood tolerable!

The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me) and are captioned with appropriate credit and used with permission.  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Why Shouldn't You Move to Portland, OR?

      Are you considering a move to the Pacific Northwest?  Does Portland, Oregon look appealing to you with its tender embrace of all things vintage and its quirky but lovable city motto of 'Keep Portland Weird'?  Have you watched every episode of Portlandia and envisioned yourself as an extra (and liked it)?  

      Well if so, get ready to have your bubble burst!  There are too many people here.  Sorry. We locals have decided that fewer people would be beneficial.  We are having difficulty marketing this concept, so I have decided to cut to the chase and provide 5 cold hard facts one must consider before purchasing a Subaru and setting out on the Oregon Trail.

        1)  There are no plastic bags here.  Portland was one of the first cities to jump on the plastic bag ban.  Many cities have followed suit and/or implemented a bag fee as a plastic bag deterrent.  I just want you to know that you will be carrying brown paper bags in the rain, with no umbrella, because you can’t carry two paper bags AND an umbrella.  Furthermore, people in Portland don’t use umbrellas.  I'll save that tidbit for another list on another day.

        2)  You cannot ‘go to the beach’.  Let me clarify.  Yes, there are beaches and they are named as such but you will not go to them.  In Oregon you go to the coast.  The difference is that beaches are warm, sandy, sunny places where you'll likely sunbathe and go swimming and perhaps suffer a sunburn.  The coast is more often than not a cold, windy, rocky place where you may do beach-like things but you'll be wearing pants and a hoody.  You won’t go for a swim because hypothermia is no substitute for a sunburn.  We have sneaker waves too.  Google that if you forevermore want to view the ocean as your own personal death trap…

      3)   Portland is surrounded by volcanoes!  While Mt. Tabor (within the city limits) is classified as dormant, Mt. Hood dominates the skyline and is technically active.  I know, I know, it’s been almost 200 years since its last activity, but that’s all the more cause for alarm.  An eruption may not be the Michael Bay pyrotechnics we expect from an active volcano, but Portland could be covered in dust and ash.  Yikes! and Yuck.  Additionally, Mount St. Helens is a mere 65 miles away.

      4)  Casual Friday is every day.  All seven.  It’s casual at dinner.  It’s casual at the doctor’s office.  It’s casual in court.  It’s so casual here we wear jeans to the opera.  Seriously.  Blue ones.  If you like your lunch server or dentist to be well-kempt then you may want to reconsider your options.  Also, dreadlocks abound.  Just sayin’.

       5)  Portland has more parades than any city I know.  I would be curious to research how many parades the average city has in a year.  Whatever that average is, I’m sure it’s pretty close to the square root of the number that Portland has.  The Portland Rose Festival itself has three parades of its own in one week!  Those do not include the Macy’s Holiday Parade, Pride NW Parade, Christmas Ship Parade, Independence Day Parade, Division/Clinton Street Fair Parade, St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Mardi Gras Parade, and the Brewers Brunch & Parade.  The fact that there has been more than one parade sketch on Portlandia should tell you something.  Hint: it’s not something good.  I’m sure there are more parades, bike rides, runs, and marathons going on than you’ll ever know until the day you find yourself on a standing room only MAX train with a walking sample of PDX carpet.  Is this the kind of typical day you want in your life?  I'm asking...

I own no rights to Portland or the Oregon Trail, the city or the game, the franchise, it's merchandise, or anyone or thing that has to do with it.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me).  No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.

Where Are the Robots?

Image courtesy of blickpixel at pixabay.com

Let us enter the world of the anthropophobic.  Anthropophobia is the pathological fear of people or human company. We have all suffered moments of this and I will from this point on lovingly refer to the condition as people-phobic and its sufferers as people-phobes.  Again, I do this lovingly and without judgment.  I simply fear that if I continue to write anthropophobic, this blog will be a drag to read and my point will be lost.  Not to mention I cannot type the word very quickly and my spell-check doesn’t even recognize the silly word.  Silly ‘Word’.

Where was I?  Oh yes, people-phobes.  People-phobes cheered at the advent of the Self-Checkout, the pizza ordering app, the sign-waving-mannequin, movie and television streaming, and sweet sweet online shopping… for the most part.  I say ‘for the most part’ because there remains a downside to all this bliss.  The beloved people-phobes’ pizza and smiley packages are still delivered by dreaded humans.  

More frightening still is the latte dilemma.  Not the ‘oh geez this costs what?!’ dilemma, but the having to activate my legs, bike, and/or car to navigate to the coffee shop, shack, or cart because I lack the skills or equipment to make a latte in the comfort and safety of my own home dilemma.  Forgive me.  Sometimes I over-identify…

In 1964 Isaac Asimov wrote an essay for The New York Times about what the world may be like in 2014 with all of the shiny new technology that would be accessible to the masses.  “Mankind will have become largely a race of machine tenders” he said.  In the actual year 2014, Oxford researchers agreed with Asimov, saying “Soon, all that will be left for human beings will be non-routine, creative work.”  I call bull hockey!  WHERE ARE THE ROBOTS?!

Image courtesy of Flickr gif 'mi robot' by trinity ass.

The highway billboards here in Portland are telling me that I can now order and pay for my Starbucks latte from my smartphone.  People-phobes rejoice!  Add to that Taco Bell, Chili’s, Panera Bread, and Mickey D’s have or soon will have similar apps to effectively reduce human to human contact.  I say that’s not good enough!!  People-phobes deserve better.  Let’s kick it up a notch.  A Roomba instead of a maid is nice, but it’s no Rosie.  Where is the drone mail delivery service?  Why can’t my pizza come in a self-driving KITT-like car that will accept payment from my R2 unit and when I’m done, Jinx can deposit the box in the recycling bin that will be emptied weekly by Conky 2000 and his crew?  Today’s secret word is "obsolete". 

One final note: Cyborgs and Androids need not apply.  I don’t think Dot Matrix would make for good tech support and Terminators are pretty iffy.  When my waffle maker suddenly develops a case of ‘the feels’ and I have to deactivate it, I don’t want it to do anything creepy like wink at me.  Three monotone cheers for people who don’t need people!

Read the references of the quoted stuff if you please:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stowe-boyd/robots-jobs-purpose-humans_b_5689813.html

http://greatideas.people.com/2014/07/22/starbucks-app-order-ahead-coffee/   

I own no rights to any of the robots or the franchises mentioned, their merchandise, or anyone or thing that has to do with them.  The text written here is my own original thought, work, and opinion, shared with love. Photos in this post belong to their original owners (not me). No copyright infringement intended.  I only offer my humble rambling opinion.  Thank you.